I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
