Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
