i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
