Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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