Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize