well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
