u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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