Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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