the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
