i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
