I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
