sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
