I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Randomize
