she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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