I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize