She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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