i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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