i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
