Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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