im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
