I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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