UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
