please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
