Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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