Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
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