:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
