i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
where are you?
Hypothermia
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
