I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
