I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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