ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
