i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
