i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
