I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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