so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
