as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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