then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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