All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
