My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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