So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
