yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
