apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
