I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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