I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
