Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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