In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
