I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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