When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
