we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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