you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
