Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
