Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
