I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
