oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize