just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
