i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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