I showed him my bush... on skype.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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