$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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