forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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