His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
