Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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