i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
