atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
