There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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