hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
