so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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