note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
