when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
