I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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