i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
