i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
