Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize