I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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