Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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