Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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