If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize