My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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