he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
