I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
