Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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