Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
