I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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