Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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