There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
