Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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