TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
