You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Randomize
