im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Be still, my beating vagina.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
