just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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