weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
