im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
