he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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