i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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