Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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