If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
