I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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