i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
