she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize