At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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