Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
