Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
