You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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