im about as happy as oj after his trial
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
