ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You are a genius and a whore.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
