The maid of honor just puked.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
