You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
