she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize