You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
