I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
