It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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