she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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