census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
