It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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